Zomlypse Survival Guide Part VIII – Dealing with Disappointment

23 12 2012

So it is December 23, 2012. Never thought I would see this day, or at least not without having to fight off hoards of zombies. I know most people are relived with the fact we are alive without zombies but some have just a twinge of disappointment for the zomlypse not happening….yet.

For those disappointed few, I have a silver lining. Just because the Zomlypse has not occurred when the Mayan’s falsely predicted the end of the world doesn’t mean it isn’t the end of the world. It just means we have to sharpen our skills and be ready at a moments notice because it could happen faster than I can type this sentence. For those in denial or thinking that we should just give up on the hopes of a Zombie filled world I have a few things I would like to say to you.

5. If the world is going to end – might as well as be Zombies: Seriously. Is aliens any better? Or even some weird virus like small pox? At least with Zombies we have a fighting chance to survive and build a better world. Plus we know what Zombie’s strength and weakness are once we determine what they are using as a reference for their behavior.


4. Zombie skills are transferable: Unlike community college credits you can use your skills to fight many different horrors. You can use your mad gun and close weapon combat skills to beat Abominable Snowmen, Dinosaurs, Mermen, Faries, Vampires (with replaced wooden bullets) , Werewolves (with silver bullets), and everything in between.

jason-stackhouse-pic_652x978 At least in the book he is part Fae and sexy 🙂

3.  Training Trips= Bonding with Friends: Rent a creepy van, buy dark bags, duct tape, and plenty of ear plugs. Then roll up at 4am break into your friend’s house and drag them into said creepy van. You can take them on a camping trip, Road Trip, or even Vegas. Spending time with your survival mates to get to know them better and learn if you need to kick someone out before your life depends on it.


2.  Conversation topics with cool kids like me: Gossiping about non-Zomlypse survival topics at the water cooler is like saying Orange in the new Pink. Whoever said that just be seriously disturbed. You want to meet new, interesting, and possibly insane people? Then create your own Zombie fan club and get to surviving.


1. The Zombie Related Media: Movies, Television, Comic Books, Action Figures, and Books. They all have Zombies in them and who better to enjoy them than awesome people who loves Zombies. Either by yourself in a movie theater, in the comfort of your own home during a horror movie marathon, or sitting in a Starbucks enjoying a great book.



Zomlypse Survival Guide Part VII – Knowledge Son and Media Suggestions

22 10 2012

One of my key points in an early entry (Part III Number 5) I mention how important research was to survival. I still feel I didn’t stress it enough as well as not really give a guide to what tools might be the best to utilize for research. So I made a list (yes another, I like lists okay – back off) of my favorite Zomlypse materials to better prepare you.

1. Walking Dead: I have not personally read the graphic novel, so my exposure to this amazing franchise is only the t.v. show, which I love. I feel like this is a pretty realistic portrayal of what the Zomlypse would be like, and unlike most other t.v. shows and movies, you get more information on general day-to-day survival and see different characters points of view to get a fuller picture. Like  a slow view of power struggles, people’s dealing with dying/being infected, travel, and scavenging. I need to find a nifty red neck baller like Daryl to add to my survival group (applications can be sent directly to me for consideration) with some mad crossbow skills. I agree with Rick’s approach to traitors and people trying to stir the pot – kill em. Great philosophy and I would be on board for the Ricktatorship!

GO TEAM DARYL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other Key Points:

  • An evolving cast not just in members but dimensions of original characters. It shows possible growths or liabilities you might not have considered.
  • Alternate Hide-Outs, scavenging locations and objects, as well as weapons.
  • Pattern of Zombie behavior – traveling in herds as well as attracted to loud noises.
  • Possible camouflage in blood to mask scent of living flesh
  • Zombie creation possibility as disease as well as being bitten
  • Confirm brain must be damaged to bring them down
  • Not tip toeing around children zombies and eliminating them


  • Annoying woman characters. I at one point or another – typically every episode I just want to slaughter ever female character. Only exceptions were usually Andrea and Maggie.
  • Glen being under utilized
  • Lori being pregnant
  • They had Sam Witwer on as a zombie. A ZOMBIE!! Seriously, I guess he loves playing dead things (he is the Vamp on Syfy’s Being Human) and for only the pilot – waste of talent.

<—-look at all that talent and attractiveness going to waste. For Shame AMC! For Shame!!!!

2. Zombieland – This movie made the list for several reasons. It is a more comedic than I typically prefer for horror, but it has a good sense of humor and the characters are relatable. The story line isn’t the strongest, but the advice I feel is sound for survival and that is the most important part as well as different from sources.

Other Key Points:

  • Columbus makes lists, and as everyone is painfully aware, I love them!
  • Shows a non-violent alternative for two girls to get the needed materials.
  • Stresses the importance of a goal for hope for survival.
  • Bill Murray!!!!
  • Proof being a fake zombie as a joke is a deadly mistake
  • Cool Code Names
  • There is no safe place untouched by the horrors of zombies
  • Awarding “Zombie Kill of the Week”


  • Vegan twinkie, like there is such a thing
  • Taylor Lauter was going be Columbus, I would have rather liked a hot werewolf as Columbus……
  • Bill Murray’s Death
  • Zombie creation: mad-cow disease? somehow I don’t buy that

3. Shaun of the Dead: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are just a hilarious pairing. They show a normal person’s response and abilities and dealing with the zomlypse. They throw what they can to deter a zombie, as well as go into obvious unapproved hide out locations!!! All is not lost though, because it does show the importance of killing the infected because they will literally come back and bite you if you don’t. (get it, zombie humor. I crack myself up sometimes)

Other Key Points:

  • Proof (if it was even needed) a basement or cellar are not good hiding places from zombies. Flimsy wood door is getting broken down – always.
  • Uses for Zombies after the initial break out  ie pets, labor, and entertainment.
  • Use of “Queen” for the soundtrack
  • Cell Phones should be on vibrate when acting like a zombie
  • Simon Pegg can almost open a can of Diet Coke with his teeth
  • Records make horrible weapons to disable zombies


  • Mother hiding she was bit.
  • Not explaining how Diane lived
  • Not explaining reason/cause for outbreak
  • More like survival on the go, not really any planning at all

4. 28 Days Later: This shows a whole new side of zombies, the crazy “Omg! I’m going to die” zombie. It gives more specifics than a general movie or even t.v. show like Walking Dead. Technically not zombies, but it is a similar enough to warrant zombie status. Created by a virus “Rage” and spread from infected chimps. The main character Jim, wakes up from a coma (similar to Walking Dead’s Rick) and not having a clue what is happening and nearly dies from his first interaction before being saved by his new group.

Other Key Points:

  • Cillian Murphy plays Jim also Scarecrow from the Batman reboot.
  • One drop of blood can infect a person
  • Listening to the radio regarding army safe place really gets you nowhere
  • Women do not want to be used as sex slaves while you try to starve off the zombie infection
  • Glasses are sexy because blood would hopefully drip on them first verses directly in your eye


  • Not a true zombie
  • Getting a shot body to the abandoned hospital and having enough expertise to save a nearly dead man seeems highly unlikely
  • Ending is just chilling waiting for someone to save them

5. Dawn of the Dead: It spawned all of this. It is the reason that zombies have infiltrated my life. You need to start at the beginning sometimes to understand the whole evolution of the concept. Yes, so much of what we initially thought and believed has drastically changed (ie remake took place in a mall – an effing MALL) but the zombie will still be reason for humanity falling and the world ending as we know it.

Zomlypse Survival Guide Part VI – Games

19 10 2012

Sometimes killing zombies can get a little monotonous, it happens, that’s life in the Zomlypse. When that time comes people might take unneeded risks to bring excitement to their lives (life on the brink of extinction wasn’t enough for some people) and therefore endanger themselves and the group. Research has shown promising results that by introducing some games to greatly reduce these risks. Here are some ideas that most positive response!


1. Counter: This puts everyone in a competition for the number of zombies killed. This can either be all time, weekly, monthly, etc depending on the group and how often you want to crown a winner. I am a very competitive and therefore this drives me to do better, act smarter, and be more efficient. Bonus points can be giving for multi-killer, killing spree, number of head shots…think of it as almost video gamed themed in scoring!


2. Horse: Have quite a few zombies to slay, some time to kill, and feeling a little creative? At least two people are needed and you just need to call the shot and have the next person duplicate and so on. The game is over when someone spells HORSE or there are not more zombies.


3. Zombie Scavenger Hunt: Though instead of collecting objects, you collect zombie spotings/or kills. You can use some of the suggestions below or make a list of your own.

One Armed Red Neck


Celebrity Look-A-Likes

Village People






4. Categories: The game is a little more fun with 3 or more people. Each person takes a turn and will think of a thing in a certain category (like ice cream flavor, movie, actor,actress) the remaining people take turns guessing until someone says the correct answer. The person who thought of the word and who said it correctly then have to both aim and hit a certain target (aka zombie) and whoever hits it first gets a point.


(I’ll take any excuse to put a picture of Eric Northman in my blog/life)


5.  Royalty: Zomlypse not required, this game is just very addictive and seriously competitive.

Zomlypse Survival Part V – Ironic Playlist

14 09 2012

Ironic Songs From Movies To Kill Zombie’s To:

1. Don’t Stop Me Now, Queen : Made famous for killing Zombie’s from Shaun of the Dead. This playlist would not be complete without it, as well as who doesn’t love Queen?!?

2. Beautiful Life, Ace of Base: Though I do not know if it possible to listen to the song without head bobbing. – Night at the Roxbury

3. Perfect Day, Hoku: Just because! – Legally Blonde

4. Price Tag, Jessie J: Because it is not about the money, money. Just the head shots, severed heads, and clean get aways. We’re paying with lead tonight! 🙂 – Chronicle

5. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper: Wear cheesy pink and blue dresses and let the atrocious dancing commence!  – Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

6. Jai Ho, A.R. Rahman: Insert Bollywood choreographed dance here, while working to that millionth kill  – Slumdog Millionaire

7. Over The Rainbow, Judy Garland: The Yellow Brick Road will be drenched in zombie blood – Wizard of Oz

8. Wild Thing, The Troggs: I Think I Love you  – Major League

9. Day-O, Harry Belafonte: Daylight come and me want to go home, to kill some zombies – Beetlejuice

10. Send Me on My Way, Rusted Root:  I may tell you to run. Nobody safe, nobody on. – Matilda

11. I Am A Man of Constant Sorrrow, Soggy Bottom Boys: Zombie’s can smell out Dapper Dan products like a blood hound. AVOID at all costs! Dapper Dan=Cat nip for zombies! – O Brother, Where Art Tho

12. Lose Yourself, Eminem: That is not spaghetti on your sweater, dude – 8 Mile

13.  My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion: As much as I epically hate this movie, I actually like the song. No one in my group better abandon me in the middle of some iceberg infested waters and not expect me to kick their butt off the giant floating door….- Titanic

14. Uninvited – Alanis Morissette: While riding a bike do not look up or close your eyes, you might not get hit by a truck, but the zombies will getcha. This is  – City of Angels

15. Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer: I am not kissing any zombie’s unless I get an urge to be Kisssin Kate Barlow – She’s All That

16. Oh Yeah, Yello: Oh Yeah! – The Secret To My Success

17. Johnny B Goode, Chuck Berry: Go go! Go Jenny go! No Really, go! Flee! Zombies are coming!  – Back To The Future

18. Twist and Shout, The Beatles: Please free to reenact the float scene in the post zomplytic streets of New York. Make sure you stock up in fire power and dress some bait in those cute little german outfits. Break out that leopard print vest. Meow! – Ferris Buellers Day Off

19. I Believe I Can Fly, R. Kelly: I think about it every night and day, killing zombies in my waaaaaay- Space Jam

20. Son Of a Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield: I don’t care if Billy Ray was the actual preacher man. Once infected he lost all rights to teach, reach and preach!- Pulp Fiction

21. All By Myself, Eric Carmen: While jamming, please fake tears and do an over the top dance. This song screams melodrama. – Drop Dead Gorgeous

22. Rolling with my Homies, Collio: Avoiding getting hit in the head with a shoe will attempting bad dance moves – Clueless

23. Don’t You Forget About Me, The Simple Minds: After slaughtering zombies please locate a football field and do an epic fist bump that this song requires. – The Breakfast Club

24. Afternoon Delight, Will Ferrell: If only while killing zombies you are picturing the scene from Anchorman or singing it as part of a quartet.

25. Shot You Down, Nancy Sinatra: Actually my mom’s suggestion. She said that she likes the sped up version, later informed that was the Audio Bully version, because she thought it was a good song for killing zombies. – Kill Bill Vol 1

Zomlypse Survival Part IV – “The Talk”

8 09 2012

This is for that awkward part of the zomlypse where you need to have “The Talk.” Its going to happen, unless you get killed in the opening credits, so here are a few pointers to get through it with some tact and hopefully no unwarranted killings.

1. Remember this is weird for everyone involved. Even if it isn’t happening directly to you. Being in the same room or knowing that this is going down, will make it like the moments on television where you want to look away but can’t because it is just so damn awkward and sad. So if you are the one doing the talking, just make sure you do it how you would like it done to you.

2. If it happens to a member of the original group, non bait member, who completed the orientation and reviewed the terms of the group, just remind the member of what they agreed with before joining the group. This will make sense though not make it any easier. For non-original group members or bait members, this is where the whole tact thing will be needed. There is a script below for some easy practice! (also makes for a great group activity on member orientation. Gets everyone involved and can provide insight to “The Talk” for future use.)

Infected: “Oh no! I *got bit!”

*Got Bit can be changed to scratched, infected, dying, have been hiding something…really anything that might cause alarm or create an additional threat to the group

You: “Really? Wow (insert name here), what a tough and totally unexpected turn of events. Here let me…” (insert action from options below)

Before selecting an action decide the persons role, personality, and severity of the threat.

A. Bait member without new standing (IE alternate member with emotional attachments, unrealized skills that are just too cool, reason for “The Talk” was cause because they saved your life/life of important member): “solve that for you.”

Solve is code for killing. You should just shot them, advise the group of the decision, and move on from there.

B. Original Group Member without change in status (IE threatened the safety of the group for personal or crazy reasons that were decided as unforgivable and given access to the group on a probationary status, become a liability, tried to hide the infection): “comfort you in a non-creepy way.”

(author note: this is generally where human emotions of empathy should kick in/be given, if you do not have these skills…fake it IE hug them, pat their back, hold their hand, and for extra brownie points a few tears would suffice.)

C. Original Group Member w/ change in status: “Go get you a glass or water or something.”

This is when you hold a offical meeting of the group and decide if the prior infractions warrant immediate termination or if even access to full original member status. Once determined refer to the appropriate option for action.

D. Addition to group picked up along the way with undetermined status (IE unknown if decided as bait, but a possibility): “Be right back, I think (insert other group members name here) is calling me. I will be right back.”

This is where you hold a group meeting with an odd number of members to vote on the infected status – once determined refer to the appropriate option for action.

E. Bait member with new standing: “Go get you something to eat.”

This is when you hold a offical meeting of the group and decide if actions/emotions warrant upgrade in status. Once voted on, refer to appropriate option for action.

3. Once “The Talk”has begun and the appropriate inital action taken, you can proceed to the next step. Either gathering a portion of the group to properly dispose of the body, or to present the appropriate options to the infected.

Infected: “Thanks (insert your name here), I really appreciate the (insert comfort/blanket/water per above options) and your absolutely empathic response to my obvious trying time. You are awesome!

You: Well “infected” you know I  truly value our friendship/relationship even during the zomlypse and want to walk you through a couple of things alright?

Infected: Of course, you have been so nice and even though I am obviously upset I am going to handle this like a bad a, and accept my fate.

You: Glad you can be so level-headed with this. Well first lets going over your option/s (please refer to the options below to explain to the infected)

A. Full Fledged Group Member with signed agreement: “Well as being a member of the survival group you are aware of the two options, but I will go over each of them with you now. (at this time, present the contract. In my original it is section 12:3 section B – starting on paragraph 3, but everyone’s will be a little different.) As stated in the guidelines of being a member of our survival group, the first option if quite simple. I can kill you now directly with one shot to the head and then remove your head from the remainder of your body, after saying good-bye to the rest of the group if you choose. Or I can seal you in a secure area (IE jail cell, well, be bricked into a doorless room strapped down) and either just prior to turning or to once turned be eliminated in the same manner. Remember of the clause regarding trying to run or to try to arrange to be kept once turned will result in instant termination of you plus anyone found guilty of assisting you per your signed agreement. If you would like I can give you three minutes to go over your decision….”

B. All others being allowed to survive the initial deaths: “Well, do you want to say goodbye to anyone before I shoot you in the head and we dispose of your body?

4. Almost done! Now that a decision has been made, you either shoot, start bringing members of the group for a possibly tearful goodbye, or constructing or prepping the holding cell for infected keeping.

5. Once completed. Make sure you depose of the body safely and in a way to avoid any further losses in the group. Hold possible burial or wake depending on the situation. Remember life is valuable and fleeting. Breathe!

Zomlypse survival – Part III

4 09 2012

Now that it is nearing the end of the world, December 21,2012, you should have followed my previously posted advice and created a survival group as well as a general plan to surivive….wait? You didn’t listen to me? You ignore my perfect advice…of course I will let you know the group. AS BAIT! Sheesh….seriously people this is not a joking matter. If you want to survive and thrive you need to start training and planning now. And this time while I speak, please listen!

Now planning to survive is one thing. But there are some tools you will need to acquire before the zomlypse starts. Unless you are already a bad a (aka me) you can’t skimp on the saying practice makes perfect. I am not saying pretend humanity is already broken and kill people off, but target practice isn’t completely out of the realm of a possibility. Which brings me to my first point….

1. Select a weapon: I am not saying marry the darn thing, but you should think of a weapon that you are comfortable wielding and have access to. Any weapon you name must exist in this reality (Halo, WOW etc….) are not appropriate reasoning for weapons. If you don’t have access to the weapon now, and unless you have good reasoning you would definitely in the zomplypse, pick something else. It can be a bat, tennis rack, garden sheers, or even a bottle of liquor.

2. Practice….smartly: Dont get arrested before the zomlypse. Hard enough to break out of prison with order, some how in my head w/ chaos it seems more dangerous. Dont build a rocket launcher and practice in your neighborhood, that is just stupid ( Buy Halo and just hope the skills transfer 😀 ) But if you select a crossbow, gun, bat..etc go to the gun range, target practice, or batting cages.

3. Safety Drill it up: Okay, I havent really done this one yet, but do as I say not as I do. You should get together with your proposed group (less bait) and practice simple manuevers. Like climbing a fire escape and jumping roofs (safety first!!)

4. Learn Morse Code: Because that would be epically cool

5. Research: Like previously advised, you do not know what the Zombies will be using to reference their behavior on. New material and concepts of Zombies are being created daily. Make sure you are the cutting edge of all thing Zombies and stock a supply bag with appropriate materials for each situation.

6. Learn how to sew: I’m not saying pattern making or anything, but buttons are important.

7. General First Aid: With the possibility of Zombies being just being animated dead bodies and not a disease or virus, you should avoid deaths that could easily be avoided like infection. I would rather go out getting eaten by Zombies…..

8. Green Thumb: Who knows how long this thing will go one, if you don’t have a green thumb locate someone who does and add them to the group. You might want to eat non-twinkies one day

9. Go Old School: With the Zomlypse some luxuries we hold so close today might not be available (like google) learn to adapt and learn thing not with just the push of a button

10. Relax: It’s not like it is the end of the world….yet 🙂