Zomlypse Survival Guide Part VII – Knowledge Son and Media Suggestions

22 10 2012

One of my key points in an early entry (Part III Number 5) I mention how important research was to survival. I still feel I didn’t stress it enough as well as not really give a guide to what tools might be the best to utilize for research. So I made a list (yes another, I like lists okay – back off) of my favorite Zomlypse materials to better prepare you.

1. Walking Dead: I have not personally read the graphic novel, so my exposure to this amazing franchise is only the t.v. show, which I love. I feel like this is a pretty realistic portrayal of what the Zomlypse would be like, and unlike most other t.v. shows and movies, you get more information on general day-to-day survival and see different characters points of view to get a fuller picture. Like  a slow view of power struggles, people’s dealing with dying/being infected, travel, and scavenging. I need to find a nifty red neck baller like Daryl to add to my survival group (applications can be sent directly to me for consideration) with some mad crossbow skills. I agree with Rick’s approach to traitors and people trying to stir the pot – kill em. Great philosophy and I would be on board for the Ricktatorship!

GO TEAM DARYL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other Key Points:

  • An evolving cast not just in members but dimensions of original characters. It shows possible growths or liabilities you might not have considered.
  • Alternate Hide-Outs, scavenging locations and objects, as well as weapons.
  • Pattern of Zombie behavior – traveling in herds as well as attracted to loud noises.
  • Possible camouflage in blood to mask scent of living flesh
  • Zombie creation possibility as disease as well as being bitten
  • Confirm brain must be damaged to bring them down
  • Not tip toeing around children zombies and eliminating them

Detractions:

  • Annoying woman characters. I at one point or another – typically every episode I just want to slaughter ever female character. Only exceptions were usually Andrea and Maggie.
  • Glen being under utilized
  • Lori being pregnant
  • They had Sam Witwer on as a zombie. A ZOMBIE!! Seriously, I guess he loves playing dead things (he is the Vamp on Syfy’s Being Human) and for only the pilot – waste of talent.

<—-look at all that talent and attractiveness going to waste. For Shame AMC! For Shame!!!!

2. Zombieland – This movie made the list for several reasons. It is a more comedic than I typically prefer for horror, but it has a good sense of humor and the characters are relatable. The story line isn’t the strongest, but the advice I feel is sound for survival and that is the most important part as well as different from sources.

Other Key Points:

  • Columbus makes lists, and as everyone is painfully aware, I love them!
  • Shows a non-violent alternative for two girls to get the needed materials.
  • Stresses the importance of a goal for hope for survival.
  • Bill Murray!!!!
  • Proof being a fake zombie as a joke is a deadly mistake
  • Cool Code Names
  • There is no safe place untouched by the horrors of zombies
  • Awarding “Zombie Kill of the Week”

Detractions:

  • Vegan twinkie, like there is such a thing
  • Taylor Lauter was going be Columbus, I would have rather liked a hot werewolf as Columbus……
  • Bill Murray’s Death
  • Zombie creation: mad-cow disease? somehow I don’t buy that

3. Shaun of the Dead: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are just a hilarious pairing. They show a normal person’s response and abilities and dealing with the zomlypse. They throw what they can to deter a zombie, as well as go into obvious unapproved hide out locations!!! All is not lost though, because it does show the importance of killing the infected because they will literally come back and bite you if you don’t. (get it, zombie humor. I crack myself up sometimes)

Other Key Points:

  • Proof (if it was even needed) a basement or cellar are not good hiding places from zombies. Flimsy wood door is getting broken down – always.
  • Uses for Zombies after the initial break out  ie pets, labor, and entertainment.
  • Use of “Queen” for the soundtrack
  • Cell Phones should be on vibrate when acting like a zombie
  • Simon Pegg can almost open a can of Diet Coke with his teeth
  • Records make horrible weapons to disable zombies

Detractions:

  • Mother hiding she was bit.
  • Not explaining how Diane lived
  • Not explaining reason/cause for outbreak
  • More like survival on the go, not really any planning at all

4. 28 Days Later: This shows a whole new side of zombies, the crazy “Omg! I’m going to die” zombie. It gives more specifics than a general movie or even t.v. show like Walking Dead. Technically not zombies, but it is a similar enough to warrant zombie status. Created by a virus “Rage” and spread from infected chimps. The main character Jim, wakes up from a coma (similar to Walking Dead’s Rick) and not having a clue what is happening and nearly dies from his first interaction before being saved by his new group.

Other Key Points:

  • Cillian Murphy plays Jim also Scarecrow from the Batman reboot.
  • One drop of blood can infect a person
  • Listening to the radio regarding army safe place really gets you nowhere
  • Women do not want to be used as sex slaves while you try to starve off the zombie infection
  • Glasses are sexy because blood would hopefully drip on them first verses directly in your eye

Detractions:

  • Not a true zombie
  • Getting a shot body to the abandoned hospital and having enough expertise to save a nearly dead man seeems highly unlikely
  • Ending is just chilling waiting for someone to save them

5. Dawn of the Dead: It spawned all of this. It is the reason that zombies have infiltrated my life. You need to start at the beginning sometimes to understand the whole evolution of the concept. Yes, so much of what we initially thought and believed has drastically changed (ie remake took place in a mall – an effing MALL) but the zombie will still be reason for humanity falling and the world ending as we know it.

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Horror Movie Survival Guide….sort of

16 10 2012

This is inspired by my fab friend Megan. She introduced me to “Cabin in the Woods” two weeks ago, and I have been mulling it over ever since. In this movie, people are chemically pushed to portray horror movie character stereotypes and chose the manner of their own demise. In my not-so-countless hours of thinking this idea over, I came to the realization that most plagues me; I am much smarter than the characters and I would totally survive. Now this has been brought up before during many of my friends horror movie marathons, usually during or after the mourning of my movie boyfriend. Together as a group we have absorbed a ridiculous amount of horror movies. Considering we have a vast knowledge of zombie movies and that only represents a portion on our movie marathons, it is more than ridiculous and just down right astounding. Now that I have sufficiently bragged about them, I feel comfortable to proceed to my point. As a group we could most likely survive, but being forced chemically like the people in “Cabin in the Woods” might tip the scales in our demise. (I mean they did turn a pre-med student into a blithering blonde whore with some hair dye…) So here are a few of my thoughts if you find yourself in a horror movie-esque scenario.

Now most horror movies don’t actually occur where you live, if you have lived there for a while; so if that is the case for you, so far so good. In my experience they start in rest stops or gas stations while on road trips, visiting an old camp or stomping ground from your childhood that has a sordid or mysterious past, a new house built on an indian burial ground, an old house that people died in or housed the murders, or a cabin in the woods that one of your friends get invited to by their cousin you later realize never exisited….etc. Basically any  place that could house bad juju, speaking of bad juju stay away from all things Ouija boards. Ouija boards are not some child toy and just seep bad juju in my opinion.

So some how you ignore all the warning signs and get stuck in a horror movie scenario with one of your members triggering the forces to place the curse upon the group in its entirety. That is a tough tun of events, but remember sometimes, someone lives either by chance or escapes (to leave it open to a possible sequel) so you have at least that shot into getting out alive. To better understand your chances for survival and your role, you will need to identify what stereotype you are supposed to be portraying.

Megan – “Alpha Male”: Alpha means a couple of things, one being you are a douche bag (sorry Megan) and the other you are going to most likely die. They are usually the survivor of the first attack by the horror movie villan (please see Whore for more information regarding the first victim) and spread the word of the impending danger to give the others a chance to survive. To try survive passed the stereotype, try to listen to your gut and DON’T separate the group!

Briana: – “Side-Kick”: Side-kick to the Alpha is a little complicated. Half the movie I am convinced the Side-Kick is on the horror from the beginning and beg the Alpha to ignore their advice, and the other half I am convinced listening to them will save everyone. If you are the Side-Kick pick an effing side and stick to it. If you are on it from the beginning and part of the trap, for shame! If you just are giving lousy advice, shut up. And if you are giving advice that could save people and Alpha is ignoring it, rather than causing mutiny and having people take sides just kill the Alpha and blame whatever is hunting you down.

Nell: – “Loaner”  This is the street smart character that you are not sure how meshes in the group. (Not you  Nell! I love you, it is just what character best fits you!!!!) They appear a little stand off-ish and clash with the main group dynamic. The Loaner is not dismissed though, they provide valuable insight that the Nerd will most likely not account for as well as try to steer the group to safety. The downfall of the Loaner is typically when the group fully accepts them or they realize they love the group like a family and openly discuss this. So your survival tip is easy, DON’T! Just stay quiet and alive and block out all human emotions.

Lauren: – “Nerd” If you look around and you are the smartest person in the group, book wise, you are probably The Nerd. The Nerd will typically cling to logic and try to define the unimaginable with scientific and nonsense reasoning. Unfortunately for Lauren, their denial will seal their death while they are trying to disprove the horror  killing them. The only way to survive as the “Nerd” is to not be stuck in trying to your way out of it. Not everything is just a creepy man in a mask as Scooby Doo has let some of us let to believe, sometimes like the movie – it is a dog in a mask.

Courtney: – “Jock” If you were on several sports teams on high school or college and not the towel boy, this is probably you. The jock is plagued by good moral compass and going back to save the weaker members of the team. To survive, just run like hell…seriously. You will be safe as long as someone is slower behind you. You might also want to get a baller weapon in case you need to be on the defensive.

Ben: – “Slacker” AKA “Fool” Unlike the Nerd, the Fool thinks outside the box….sometimes a little too outside the box. Survival is key for the Slacker. You need to get your head in the game and don’t get too distracted. Your ability to not think like the standard sane person works in your favor as long as you have the drive and sense enough to push it too far.

Jennifer – “Innocent” AKA “Virgin” This character typically as the highest rate of survival as long as they suffer in the process. I honestly don’t completely agree with this assessment of what I bring to the table, but with the stereotypes this unfortunately fits me best. (Awesome, funny, baller zombie killer was not an option) To survive I suggest sticking to the group, over dramatizing everyone’s death to show how hurt you are, and pushing yourself to the emotional breaking point in front of the killer. (Also doesn’t hurt if at that moment you have a fool-proof plan of killing it as a back up) This will gain sympathy and will let you live if only to allow a sequel to occur to torture you with your new friends.

“Whore” – This person is basically bait, slutty bait. I could try to give you some tips that might make sure you don’t last the first death, but honestly I blame the whore for what is happening the group. So if you die first, you know will know why.





10 Worst Chick Flick Endings

29 09 2012

1. Titanic – Regardless of knowing that the ship was going down I hate Titanic. Seriously, worst movie ever. I would share my door with Leonardo, or at least kick someone off their floatation device to save him. I would rather watch Avatar, and you really don’t me to go on a tangent about that.Translation – James Cameron + Me = Not Friends

2.  27 Dresses – Katherine Heigl, need I say more. Plus she does not deserve James Marsden!!!

3. Lake House – I still don’t understand that movie. Though funny story, my mother constantly falls asleep in movies and forgets she sees them. She saw MI3 4 times and guessed the ending the 4th time and was very proud of herself….I wanted to kill myself personally. Anyways, I convinced her that she had fallen asleep in Lakehouse and didn’t like it. She got a little too smart for me, and asked the Blockbuster Clerk (yup that long ago) if it had been rented under my account there, which it hadn’t. So we get home, watch it, and she hated it. All I told her was that I knew it and tried to avoid the pain of sitting through that movie and she should listen to me next time. Still makes me laugh 🙂

4. Thelma and Louise – I hate fill in your own blank endings. Personally I feel like the car went off the cliff and they died in a fiery car crashing…see not a great ending to a chick flick. Though Brad Pitt gets an honorable mention as being super attractive in the movie.

5. A Walk to Remember – Sometimes the “Happily Ever After” is too boring, unfortunately I feel like the let’s get married and then just kill the main girl a little too depressing….Yeah Yeah, the dude went on to medical school, and the dad says that he was the miracle his daughter got to witness before dying, but no. Sorry, hate it. I just am better off stopping the movie at the wedding and calling it a day.

6. She’s The Man – Typically I love the Amanda Bynes in her kid targeted roles (Sydney White, Hairspray, Big Fat Liar, Easy A) but the ending to this movie is just….weird. I understand it is based on of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, but that doesn’t end with a wheel of cheese, Viola being a horrible soccer player, and a debutante ball. Shakespeare is a great to remake in modern society with a twist, but please just make it less silly.

7. Law of Attraction – The concept at first is cute, obvious attraction but covered by despise, seriously that is right up my alley. Going off to Ireland and getting married in some weird ceremony – okay I guess that happens. Tabloid finding out about it/caring about it and then agree to be fake married to not ruin career – Okay I am getting lost now. betrayal and woman asking for divorce – YAY! Something that makes sense, back on track. Being forced to go back to Ireland, find out the marriage was faked but then realizing you fell in love and get real married – yeah I am so confused and realizing this movie is just plain bad.

8.  What’s Your Number – Anna Faris is hilarious, now that is out of the way…this movie is general is too predictable. Every step of the way I know what is going to happen. The ending was boring and the storyline in general was uninspired.

9. City Of Angels – No, I do not have a problem with sad endings, but this movie makes me cry. I hate crying, especially the “OMG! This is so depressing, why would I watch this” kind of crying. I have a deep love for Nicholas Cage, and he makes a unexcepted and surprisingly believable angel, but  Meg getting hit by a truck is just over the line. I mean he gave up everything he knew for her, and then she dies in some freaking gasoline fight accident….wait wrong movie, I mean and then she dies by closing her eyes while riding a bicycle and gets hit by a truck. Talk about your avoidable causalities, that was definitely one of them!!!

10. My Best Friend’s Wedding – I love this movie, which is why it pains me put it on the list but the ending BLOWS (in my opinion). I know, I know, I sometimes hate the happy endings and sometimes hate the imperfect unhappily ever after endings too! There is apparently no pleasing me. But I don’t expect Julia Roberts to get with her best friend to make the ending happy, but why can’t see just meet someone who she has potential to fall in love with versus just her talking with her gay friend George. JUST SAYING!