10 Worst Chick Flick Endings

29 09 2012

1. Titanic – Regardless of knowing that the ship was going down I hate Titanic. Seriously, worst movie ever. I would share my door with Leonardo, or at least kick someone off their floatation device to save him. I would rather watch Avatar, and you really don’t me to go on a tangent about that.Translation – James Cameron + Me = Not Friends

2.  27 Dresses – Katherine Heigl, need I say more. Plus she does not deserve James Marsden!!!

3. Lake House – I still don’t understand that movie. Though funny story, my mother constantly falls asleep in movies and forgets she sees them. She saw MI3 4 times and guessed the ending the 4th time and was very proud of herself….I wanted to kill myself personally. Anyways, I convinced her that she had fallen asleep in Lakehouse and didn’t like it. She got a little too smart for me, and asked the Blockbuster Clerk (yup that long ago) if it had been rented under my account there, which it hadn’t. So we get home, watch it, and she hated it. All I told her was that I knew it and tried to avoid the pain of sitting through that movie and she should listen to me next time. Still makes me laugh 🙂

4. Thelma and Louise – I hate fill in your own blank endings. Personally I feel like the car went off the cliff and they died in a fiery car crashing…see not a great ending to a chick flick. Though Brad Pitt gets an honorable mention as being super attractive in the movie.

5. A Walk to Remember – Sometimes the “Happily Ever After” is too boring, unfortunately I feel like the let’s get married and then just kill the main girl a little too depressing….Yeah Yeah, the dude went on to medical school, and the dad says that he was the miracle his daughter got to witness before dying, but no. Sorry, hate it. I just am better off stopping the movie at the wedding and calling it a day.

6. She’s The Man – Typically I love the Amanda Bynes in her kid targeted roles (Sydney White, Hairspray, Big Fat Liar, Easy A) but the ending to this movie is just….weird. I understand it is based on of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, but that doesn’t end with a wheel of cheese, Viola being a horrible soccer player, and a debutante ball. Shakespeare is a great to remake in modern society with a twist, but please just make it less silly.

7. Law of Attraction – The concept at first is cute, obvious attraction but covered by despise, seriously that is right up my alley. Going off to Ireland and getting married in some weird ceremony – okay I guess that happens. Tabloid finding out about it/caring about it and then agree to be fake married to not ruin career – Okay I am getting lost now. betrayal and woman asking for divorce – YAY! Something that makes sense, back on track. Being forced to go back to Ireland, find out the marriage was faked but then realizing you fell in love and get real married – yeah I am so confused and realizing this movie is just plain bad.

8.  What’s Your Number – Anna Faris is hilarious, now that is out of the way…this movie is general is too predictable. Every step of the way I know what is going to happen. The ending was boring and the storyline in general was uninspired.

9. City Of Angels – No, I do not have a problem with sad endings, but this movie makes me cry. I hate crying, especially the “OMG! This is so depressing, why would I watch this” kind of crying. I have a deep love for Nicholas Cage, and he makes a unexcepted and surprisingly believable angel, but  Meg getting hit by a truck is just over the line. I mean he gave up everything he knew for her, and then she dies in some freaking gasoline fight accident….wait wrong movie, I mean and then she dies by closing her eyes while riding a bicycle and gets hit by a truck. Talk about your avoidable causalities, that was definitely one of them!!!

10. My Best Friend’s Wedding – I love this movie, which is why it pains me put it on the list but the ending BLOWS (in my opinion). I know, I know, I sometimes hate the happy endings and sometimes hate the imperfect unhappily ever after endings too! There is apparently no pleasing me. But I don’t expect Julia Roberts to get with her best friend to make the ending happy, but why can’t see just meet someone who she has potential to fall in love with versus just her talking with her gay friend George. JUST SAYING!





Better Luck Next Year – Some Results and Wisdom Post Emmy’s

24 09 2012

Well, the Emmy’s are over. My predictions were WAY off, which was unfortunate. I do have some gems of knowledge for some of the losers so that they way have better luck in the coming years.

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTOR: I am utter ashamed and disappointed in this sham they call an awards show if SCHMIDT didn’t win. I have no advice for you Max except we might have to attempt to get Modern Family bannned from the awards…..

Ed O’Neill as Jay Pritchett in “Modern Family”

Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett in “Modern Family”  (Don’t Worry Jesse I still love you!!!!)

Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy in “Modern Family”

Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker in “Modern Family” –  Winner

Max Greenfield as Schmidt in “New Girl”

Bill Hader as various characters in “Saturday Night Live” ( Stefon is adorably amazing, as are you)

 

 

COMEDY ACTOR: I will admit that Jon winning was somewhat deserved due to the B.S. He went through with Charlie, and getting promoted to leading man versus supporting cast. So yay there. On the other hand,..

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in “The Big Bang Theory” – Don’t get less adorable

Larry David as Himself in “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – Don’t grow hair

Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan in “House of Lies”Have a stern talking to with the writers, make sure Kristen Bell doesn’t steal too much of your thunder.

Louis C.K. as Louie in “Louie” – Don’t unfriend Ricky

Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy in “30 Rock” – Trick everyone up and invite Adam Baldwin on the show to play your long lost brother. I really love Adam Baldwin…

Jon Cryer as Alan Harper in “Two and a Half Men” –  WINNER – Don’t get insulted when people refer to you as Ducky 🙂

COMEDY ACTRESS – Am I the only one who doesn’t like Julia, though her speech was funny? I really can’t think of any improvements, like I said before this was a freaking tough catagory and it was not filled with just one show’s actors. Everyone was diverse and strong. Difficult decision.

Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in “Girls”

Melissa McCarthy as Molly Flynn in “Mike & Molly”

Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day in “New Girl”  – Be more like your sister

Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton in “Nurse Jackie”

Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope in “Parks and Recreation”

Tina Fey as Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer in “Veep” – WINNER

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTRESS – I WAS RIGHT!!! First one of the night. I just wanted this noted…..

Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler in “The Big Bang Theory”

Kathryn Joosten as Karen McCluskey in “Desperate Housewives”

Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy in “Modern Family”  – WINNER

Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in “Modern Family”

Merritt Wever as Zoey Barkow in “Nurse Jackie”

Kristen Wiig as various characters in “Saturday Night Live”

DRAMA SERIES:This is where the kids gloves come off….

“Boardwalk Empire” (HBO)  – Maybe if you hadn’t have killed my favorite character we wouldn’t be in this situation, just saying.

“Breaking Bad” (AMC) ”

Downton Abbey” (PBS) ”

Game of Thrones” (HBO) – More Tyrion, less Sansa

“Homeland” (Showtime) – WINNER!

“Mad Men” (AMC) – I consider this utter and clear proof Megan Draper should be killed off in some freak whorish-themed death. I hate her and feel her presence ruined this season, and is the reason you lost.

DRAMA ACTRESS – Seond one I got right…and I thought was on a role…dead wrong.

Glenn Close as Patty Hewes in “Damages”

Michelle Dockery as Lady Mary Crawley in “Downton Abbey”

Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick in “The Good Wife” – As much as Raj loves her, Good Wife is not my new Greys Anatomy…

Kathy Bates as Harriet Korn in “Harry’s Law”

Claire Danes as Carrie Mathison in “Homeland” – WINNER!

Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson in “Mad Men” – loved her as a blonde, she is looking GREAT!

DRAMA ACTOR – I don’t know what I need to do to get  i hate Michael or Jon an Emmy. Jon I can see this time around, if you havent figured out yet, I hate Megan and blame this years failures soley on her, but Michael!??! He is an awesome serial killer, and made my list…how rude!! (Though didn’t picture Damian with a british accent, makes him hotter and the Emmy more deserved in my opinion)

Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson in “Boardwalk Empire”  – He looked in a killer mood tonight, maybe he should play Dexter for a week to get his mind off of things. Probably didn’t help his show was at the same time as the awards….

Bryan Cranston as Walter White in “Breaking Bad”

Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan in “Dexter”

Hugh Bonneville as Robert, Earl of Grantham in “Downton Abbey”

Damian Lewis as Nicholas Brody in “Homeland” – WINNER

Jon Hamm as Don Draper in “Mad Men”

Supporting Actress Drama – Mcgonagall FTW!!!

Anna Gunn as Skyler White in “Breaking Bad”

Maggie Smith as Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham in “Downton Abbey”  – WINNNER

Joanne Froggatt as Anna in “Downton Abbey”

Archie Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma in “The Good Wife”

Christine Baranski as Diane Lockhart in “The Good Wife”

Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway Harris in “Mad Men”

MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE – AHS won only one, for shame universe…for shame

“American Horror Story” (FX)

“Game Change” (HBO) –  WINNER

“Hatfields & McCoys” (History)

“Hemingway & Gellhorn” (HBO)

“Luther” (BBC America)

“Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia” (PBS)

VARIETY SERIES –Everyone was funny, loved the skit to the mic. It was anyone’s game really (less Jimmy Kimmel)

“The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central)

“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central) – WINNER

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC)

“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC)

“Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)

“Saturday Night Live” (NBC)

HOST FOR A REALITY OR REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM – Maybe Tom is a fantastic host and I just don’t know it because I associate that show with pain like no other. When my grandmother comes to visit and I am forced to watch it, it makes me want to kill myself. plain and simple.

Phil Keoghan, “The Amazing Race”

Ryan Seacrest, “American Idol”

Betty White, “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”

Tom Bergeron, “Dancing With the Stars” – WINNER

Cat Deeley, “So You Think You Can Dance”

There you go, some thoughts and results from tonight.





Ignorance is sometimes bliss

23 09 2012

I can’t be the only one on the planet that sometimes feels like I have most of the answers, or at least most of the important ones. But sometimes I find out I was wrong, swindled, and just assumed incorrectly. It happens, not too often, but it definitely does. Here are my 5 brightest non-bright moments.

5. Coffee Cake Contains Coffee – I HATE coffee. I really do. I hold grudges on baristas that accidentally make my peppermint hot chocolate during the winter, a mocha instead. I have to smell and taste the drink prior to leaving in case they are trying to poison me. I used to have someone else drink it before me, but soon realized I apparently don’t know anyone who can’t taste the coffee in a mocha…..learned that very quickly. ANYWAYS that is besides the point, but until about 6 months ago I just assumed that per the name it contained coffee, so I just stayed away from it. Until one day I said something like “No, I don’t like coffee, I don’t want any coffee cake” for someone to advise of my miss assumption. Pretty embarrassing if I don’t say so myself.

4. Actors Spend Their Whole Lives Doing a Movie – Yeah I am glad this happened when I was a child verses now. I used to think that they had to pick out who was going to be a good actor when they were a baby and filed a whole movie. Like the same person was the child, adult, and really old person. I think it me watching a movie with Julia Roberts to fully understand the concept that other people played them. I just thought they planned out the movies WAY far in advanced so they could do things in between.

 

3. The ending to Ring was a happy and joyful one – LIES! It took me almost a week to watch Ring (every time I got scared I paused the movie) and when it got to everyone being okay I just turned it off. I was way wrong, like super wrong. I then watched Ringu with my lovely friend Megan during a meeting for International Film Society in High School. It was mostly the same, a little scarier, until the end. I didn’t understand what was going on, and kept asking out loud what was happening and why the crazy girl was climbing out of the television set. Lets just say I wait for credits to come on now….

2. Clouds are a bi-product of factories – If you didn’t know this I am sorry to inform you now. I was not silly enough to think that the factories were making clouds, but I thought that it was more like a happy accident, like “Look we got concrete and clouds, YAY!” except not. I am not sure when this finally sunk in probably when we started learning about smog in school…either way in my defense the smoke totally does look like little baby clouds!

1. Telling my friend embarassing stories means they will be kept a secret – I have learned this several times over the years. I love my friends, and I can laugh at myself (obviously) but some times I get surprised by them remembering embarassing things (aka GENIE PHOTOS!) and having the stories retold again. But truth is, they are my friend whom I love very dearly, and calling me on stupid stuff I did makes me smarter next time, like not printing IM conversations, telling a story 10 times because someone wants me to tell everyone, and being awesome enough to laugh at the stories.

Well hope you liked it. If I left something off of here it was probably on purpose 🙂





Emmy Predictions AKA Proof I watch way too much TV

22 09 2012

With the Emmy awards upon us, tomorrow in fact, I wanted to release to you my predictions and thoughts for tomorrow’s ceremony.

COMEDY SERIES

“The Big Bang Theory” (CBS)  – I think the cast and story line def took it up a notch this season.

“Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO)

“Girls” (HBO)

“Modern Family” (ABC)

“30 Rock” (NBC) “Veep” (HBO)

COMEDY ACTOR

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in “The Big Bang Theory”

Larry David as Himself in “Curb Your Enthusiasm”

Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan in “House of Lies” – I love to hate Marty, Don Cheadle made him come to life for me.

Louis C.K. as Louie in “Louie”

Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy in “30 Rock”

Jon Cryer as Alan Harper in “Two and a Half Men”

COMEDY ACTRESS – I think this is one of the hardest decisions. My heart is in a three way tie with Zooey, Tina, and Amy…

Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in “Girls”

Melissa McCarthy as Molly Flynn in “Mike & Molly”

Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day in “New Girl”  – I picked Zooey in the end just due to my love for New Girl…so sue me

Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton in “Nurse Jackie”

Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope in “Parks and Recreation”

Tina Fey as Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer in “Veep”

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTOR

Ed O’Neill as Jay Pritchett in “Modern Family”

Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett in “Modern Family” – If Schmidt wasn’t on the list, I would have picked Jesse 😦

Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy in “Modern Family”

Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker in “Modern Family”

Max Greenfield as Schmidt in “New Girl” – I LOVE SCHMIDT. His Schmidt tips and jar moments put him over the top for me.

Bill Hader as various characters in “Saturday Night Live”

SUPPORTING COMEDY ACTRESS

Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler in “The Big Bang Theory”

Kathryn Joosten as Karen McCluskey in “Desperate Housewives”

Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy in “Modern Family”  – I have no real explanation except my feelings for various characters swayed me….

Sofia Vergara as Gloria Delgado-Pritchett in “Modern Family”

Merritt Wever as Zoey Barkow in “Nurse Jackie”

Kristen Wiig as various characters in “Saturday Night Live”

DRAMA SERIES

“Boardwalk Empire” (HBO)  – That season, finale blew my mind. Season 2 brought it!

“Breaking Bad” (AMC) ” – havent watched that season yet

Downton Abbey” (PBS) ” – havent finished it yet, so I am undecided

Game of Thrones” (HBO) – Maybe because I read the books it wasnt that surprising for me, plus it wasnt my favorite book….

“Homeland” (Showtime)  – great first season!

“Mad Men” (AMC) – I hate Megan

DRAMA ACTRESS

Glenn Close as Patty Hewes in “Damages” – No longer offered w/ TWC, havent seen it

Michelle Dockery as Lady Mary Crawley in “Downton Abbey” – still not caught up

Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick in “The Good Wife” – As much as Raj loves her, Good Wife is not my new Greys Anatomy…

Kathy Bates as Harriet Korn in “Harry’s Law” – this season just didn’t do it for me, as much as I love Kathy

Claire Danes as Carrie Mathison in “Homeland” – Claire did such an amazing job playing a crazy person.

Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson in “Mad Men” – Peggy expanded her role, too bad it was out of the agency…I miss her as I am sure Don does too. She had some good moments though 🙂

DRAMA ACTOR –  it blows my mind Michael and Jon have not one for either role yet….CRAZY. So I want ONE of them to win….

Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson in “Boardwalk Empire”  – I’m still mad about Jimmy…

Bryan Cranston as Walter White in “Breaking Bad”

Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan in “Dexter” – I love Dexter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugh Bonneville as Robert, Earl of Grantham in “Downton Abbey”

Damian Lewis as Nicholas Brody in “Homeland”

Jon Hamm as Don Draper in “Mad Men” – Seeing Jon as a serious douche like Don, makes me love comedian Jon that much more and appreciate his talent

SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTRESS

Anna Gunn as Skyler White in “Breaking Bad”

Maggie Smith as Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham in “Downton Abbey”  – How could I not choose McGonagall?!?

Joanne Froggatt as Anna in “Downton Abbey”

Archie Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma in “The Good Wife”

Christine Baranski as Diane Lockhart in “The Good Wife”

Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway Harris in “Mad Men”

SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTOR

Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman in “Breaking Bad”

Giancarlo Esposito as Gustavo ‘Gus’ Fring in “Breaking Bad”

Brendan Coyle as John Bates in “Downton Abbey”

Jim Carter as Mr. Carson in “Downton Abbey”

Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister in “Game of Thrones”  – Peter embodies Tyrion. It is as simple as that.

Jared Harris as Lane Pryce “Mad Men” – He had a great role, and I loved him even more.

MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

“American Horror Story” (FX) – Ryan Murphy created a masterpiece (not just Glee…) This show is scary, intriguing, and just plan awesome.

“Game Change” (HBO)

“Hatfields & McCoys” (History)

“Hemingway & Gellhorn” (HBO)

“Luther” (BBC America)

“Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia” (PBS)

LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE – I  think it could really be anyones game. I am personally supporting Emma and Connie…Just because of the shows content and exposure though I think Connie has the better bet.

Connie Britton as Vivien Harmon in “American Horror Story”

Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin in “Game Change”

Nicole Kidman as Martha Gellhorn in “Hemingway & Gellhorn”

Ashley Judd as Rebecca Winstone in “Missing”

Emma Thompson as She in “The Song of Lunch”

LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Woody Harrelson as Steve Schmidt in “Game Change”

Kevin Costner as ‘Devil’ Anse Hatfield in “Hatfields & McCoys”

Bill Paxton as Randall McCoy in “Hatfields & McCoys” – Bill did an amazing job, I am so glad to see him in something since Big Love, especially so different.

Clive Owen as Ernest Hemingway in “Hemingway & Gellhorn” – honestly I had a tough time between Clive and Bill for this. I gave Clive the edge probably because I just liked the character better.

Idris Elba as John Luther in “Luther”

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in “Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia”

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Frances Conroy as Moira in “American Horror Story”

Jessica Lange as Constance Langdon in “American Horror Story”

Sarah Paulson as Nicolle Wallace “Game Change”

Mare Winningham as Sally McCoy in “Hatfields & McCoys” – One of my favorites.

Judy Davis as Jill Tankard in “Page Eight”

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Denis O’Hare as Larry Harvey in “American Horror Story” – Denis is just an actor I support, between Russell from True Blood and Larry, If he wasnt gay I would marry him. He just sucks me in. Though am I the only wonder where Tate is? I thought Evan Peters was amazing as well.

Ed Harris as John McCain in “Game Change”

Tom Berenger as Jim Vance in “Hatfields & McCoys”

David Strathairn as John Dos Passos in “Hemingway & Gellhorn”

Martin Freeman as Dr. John Watson in “Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia”

VARIETY SERIES – Anyone else think that whoever wins deserves it? I swear I am going to need to break out the eenie meenie miney mo….and the winner of that is

“The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central)

“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central)

“Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC)

“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC)

“Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)

“Saturday Night Live” (NBC)

REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM

“The Amazing Race” (CBS)

“Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Hell NO!

“Project Runway” (Lifetime) – love me some Heidi

“So You Think You Can Dance” (Fox) – loved the new format

“Top Chef” (Bravo) – I just love the challenges, inventiveness as well as just pure genius. Love this show

“The Voice” (NBC) – Christina and Adam on the same show = epic

HOST FOR A REALITY OR REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM – Just FYI I would have picked Heidi Klum or Carson Daley (only if you take everything Carson says sarcastically…it makes it HILARIOUS!!!!!)

Phil Keoghan, “The Amazing Race” – He does a great job psyching me out if they are safe or not, and I actually like him as the host.

Ryan Seacrest, “American Idol” – I love Joel making fun of him on the Soup afterwards

Betty White, “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers” – love it

Tom Bergeron, “Dancing With the Stars” – just no

Cat Deeley, “So You Think You Can Dance” – I love Cat but her best moments are after someone makes fun of her

SHORT-FORMAT ANIMATED PROGRAM – I have only watched a few episodes of Adventure Time and just every episode of Robot Chicken, so my opinion is a little tilted in their favor….

“Adventure Time” (Cartoon Network)

“Phineas and Ferb” (Disney Channel)

“MAD” (Cartoon Network)

“Regular Show” (Cartoon Network)

“Robot Chicken” (Cartoon Network) – like I had any other choice/needed one 🙂

 ITS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Dot-Marie Jones as Coach Shannon Beiste in “Glee”

Maya Rudolph, host in “Saturday Night Live”  – one of my favorite episodes of SNL ever. Her coming back was magic

Melissa McCarthy, host in “Saturday Night Live”

Elizabeth Banks as Avery Jessup in “30 Rock”

Margaret Cho as Kim Jong-il in “30 Rock”

Kathy Bates as Charlie Harper in “Two and a Half Men”

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Martha Plimpton as Patti Nyholm in “The Good Wife”

Loretta Devine as Adele Webber in “Grey’s Anatomy”  – She steals the scene every time I see her

Jean Smart as D.A. Roseanna Remmick in “Harry’s Law”

Julia Ormond as Marie Calvet in “Mad Men” –  eeeh like I said…I hate Megan (apparently that hate goes to her mother too)

Joan Cusack as Sheila Jackson in “Shameless”  – great character. She has that agoraphobia down! Love her.

Uma Thurman as Rebecca Duvall in “Smash” – actually liked her….

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

Mark Margolis as Tio Salamanca in “Breaking Bad”  – love it

Dylan Baker as Colin Sweeney in “The Good Wife”

Michael J. Fox as Louis Canning in “The Good Wife”

Jeremy Davies as Dickie Bennett in “Justified”

Ben Feldman as Michael Ginsberg in “Mad Men”

Jason Ritter as Mark Cyr in “Parenthood”





Zomlypse Survival Part V – Ironic Playlist

14 09 2012

Ironic Songs From Movies To Kill Zombie’s To:

1. Don’t Stop Me Now, Queen : Made famous for killing Zombie’s from Shaun of the Dead. This playlist would not be complete without it, as well as who doesn’t love Queen?!?

2. Beautiful Life, Ace of Base: Though I do not know if it possible to listen to the song without head bobbing. – Night at the Roxbury

3. Perfect Day, Hoku: Just because! – Legally Blonde

4. Price Tag, Jessie J: Because it is not about the money, money. Just the head shots, severed heads, and clean get aways. We’re paying with lead tonight! 🙂 – Chronicle

5. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper: Wear cheesy pink and blue dresses and let the atrocious dancing commence!  – Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion

6. Jai Ho, A.R. Rahman: Insert Bollywood choreographed dance here, while working to that millionth kill  – Slumdog Millionaire

7. Over The Rainbow, Judy Garland: The Yellow Brick Road will be drenched in zombie blood – Wizard of Oz

8. Wild Thing, The Troggs: I Think I Love you  – Major League

9. Day-O, Harry Belafonte: Daylight come and me want to go home, to kill some zombies – Beetlejuice

10. Send Me on My Way, Rusted Root:  I may tell you to run. Nobody safe, nobody on. – Matilda

11. I Am A Man of Constant Sorrrow, Soggy Bottom Boys: Zombie’s can smell out Dapper Dan products like a blood hound. AVOID at all costs! Dapper Dan=Cat nip for zombies! – O Brother, Where Art Tho

12. Lose Yourself, Eminem: That is not spaghetti on your sweater, dude – 8 Mile

13.  My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion: As much as I epically hate this movie, I actually like the song. No one in my group better abandon me in the middle of some iceberg infested waters and not expect me to kick their butt off the giant floating door….- Titanic

14. Uninvited – Alanis Morissette: While riding a bike do not look up or close your eyes, you might not get hit by a truck, but the zombies will getcha. This is  – City of Angels

15. Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer: I am not kissing any zombie’s unless I get an urge to be Kisssin Kate Barlow – She’s All That

16. Oh Yeah, Yello: Oh Yeah! – The Secret To My Success

17. Johnny B Goode, Chuck Berry: Go go! Go Jenny go! No Really, go! Flee! Zombies are coming!  – Back To The Future

18. Twist and Shout, The Beatles: Please free to reenact the float scene in the post zomplytic streets of New York. Make sure you stock up in fire power and dress some bait in those cute little german outfits. Break out that leopard print vest. Meow! – Ferris Buellers Day Off

19. I Believe I Can Fly, R. Kelly: I think about it every night and day, killing zombies in my waaaaaay- Space Jam

20. Son Of a Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield: I don’t care if Billy Ray was the actual preacher man. Once infected he lost all rights to teach, reach and preach!- Pulp Fiction

21. All By Myself, Eric Carmen: While jamming, please fake tears and do an over the top dance. This song screams melodrama. – Drop Dead Gorgeous

22. Rolling with my Homies, Collio: Avoiding getting hit in the head with a shoe will attempting bad dance moves – Clueless

23. Don’t You Forget About Me, The Simple Minds: After slaughtering zombies please locate a football field and do an epic fist bump that this song requires. – The Breakfast Club

24. Afternoon Delight, Will Ferrell: If only while killing zombies you are picturing the scene from Anchorman or singing it as part of a quartet.

25. Shot You Down, Nancy Sinatra: Actually my mom’s suggestion. She said that she likes the sped up version, later informed that was the Audio Bully version, because she thought it was a good song for killing zombies. – Kill Bill Vol 1





Zomlypse Survival Part IV – “The Talk”

8 09 2012

This is for that awkward part of the zomlypse where you need to have “The Talk.” Its going to happen, unless you get killed in the opening credits, so here are a few pointers to get through it with some tact and hopefully no unwarranted killings.

1. Remember this is weird for everyone involved. Even if it isn’t happening directly to you. Being in the same room or knowing that this is going down, will make it like the moments on television where you want to look away but can’t because it is just so damn awkward and sad. So if you are the one doing the talking, just make sure you do it how you would like it done to you.

2. If it happens to a member of the original group, non bait member, who completed the orientation and reviewed the terms of the group, just remind the member of what they agreed with before joining the group. This will make sense though not make it any easier. For non-original group members or bait members, this is where the whole tact thing will be needed. There is a script below for some easy practice! (also makes for a great group activity on member orientation. Gets everyone involved and can provide insight to “The Talk” for future use.)

Infected: “Oh no! I *got bit!”

*Got Bit can be changed to scratched, infected, dying, have been hiding something…really anything that might cause alarm or create an additional threat to the group

You: “Really? Wow (insert name here), what a tough and totally unexpected turn of events. Here let me…” (insert action from options below)

Before selecting an action decide the persons role, personality, and severity of the threat.

A. Bait member without new standing (IE alternate member with emotional attachments, unrealized skills that are just too cool, reason for “The Talk” was cause because they saved your life/life of important member): “solve that for you.”

Solve is code for killing. You should just shot them, advise the group of the decision, and move on from there.

B. Original Group Member without change in status (IE threatened the safety of the group for personal or crazy reasons that were decided as unforgivable and given access to the group on a probationary status, become a liability, tried to hide the infection): “comfort you in a non-creepy way.”

(author note: this is generally where human emotions of empathy should kick in/be given, if you do not have these skills…fake it IE hug them, pat their back, hold their hand, and for extra brownie points a few tears would suffice.)

C. Original Group Member w/ change in status: “Go get you a glass or water or something.”

This is when you hold a offical meeting of the group and decide if the prior infractions warrant immediate termination or if even access to full original member status. Once determined refer to the appropriate option for action.

D. Addition to group picked up along the way with undetermined status (IE unknown if decided as bait, but a possibility): “Be right back, I think (insert other group members name here) is calling me. I will be right back.”

This is where you hold a group meeting with an odd number of members to vote on the infected status – once determined refer to the appropriate option for action.

E. Bait member with new standing: “Go get you something to eat.”

This is when you hold a offical meeting of the group and decide if actions/emotions warrant upgrade in status. Once voted on, refer to appropriate option for action.

3. Once “The Talk”has begun and the appropriate inital action taken, you can proceed to the next step. Either gathering a portion of the group to properly dispose of the body, or to present the appropriate options to the infected.

Infected: “Thanks (insert your name here), I really appreciate the (insert comfort/blanket/water per above options) and your absolutely empathic response to my obvious trying time. You are awesome!

You: Well “infected” you know I  truly value our friendship/relationship even during the zomlypse and want to walk you through a couple of things alright?

Infected: Of course, you have been so nice and even though I am obviously upset I am going to handle this like a bad a, and accept my fate.

You: Glad you can be so level-headed with this. Well first lets going over your option/s (please refer to the options below to explain to the infected)

A. Full Fledged Group Member with signed agreement: “Well as being a member of the survival group you are aware of the two options, but I will go over each of them with you now. (at this time, present the contract. In my original it is section 12:3 section B – starting on paragraph 3, but everyone’s will be a little different.) As stated in the guidelines of being a member of our survival group, the first option if quite simple. I can kill you now directly with one shot to the head and then remove your head from the remainder of your body, after saying good-bye to the rest of the group if you choose. Or I can seal you in a secure area (IE jail cell, well, be bricked into a doorless room strapped down) and either just prior to turning or to once turned be eliminated in the same manner. Remember of the clause regarding trying to run or to try to arrange to be kept once turned will result in instant termination of you plus anyone found guilty of assisting you per your signed agreement. If you would like I can give you three minutes to go over your decision….”

B. All others being allowed to survive the initial deaths: “Well, do you want to say goodbye to anyone before I shoot you in the head and we dispose of your body?

4. Almost done! Now that a decision has been made, you either shoot, start bringing members of the group for a possibly tearful goodbye, or constructing or prepping the holding cell for infected keeping.

5. Once completed. Make sure you depose of the body safely and in a way to avoid any further losses in the group. Hold possible burial or wake depending on the situation. Remember life is valuable and fleeting. Breathe!





Zomlypse survival – Part III

4 09 2012

Now that it is nearing the end of the world, December 21,2012, you should have followed my previously posted advice and created a survival group as well as a general plan to surivive….wait? You didn’t listen to me? You ignore my perfect advice…of course I will let you know the group. AS BAIT! Sheesh….seriously people this is not a joking matter. If you want to survive and thrive you need to start training and planning now. And this time while I speak, please listen!

Now planning to survive is one thing. But there are some tools you will need to acquire before the zomlypse starts. Unless you are already a bad a (aka me) you can’t skimp on the saying practice makes perfect. I am not saying pretend humanity is already broken and kill people off, but target practice isn’t completely out of the realm of a possibility. Which brings me to my first point….

1. Select a weapon: I am not saying marry the darn thing, but you should think of a weapon that you are comfortable wielding and have access to. Any weapon you name must exist in this reality (Halo, WOW etc….) are not appropriate reasoning for weapons. If you don’t have access to the weapon now, and unless you have good reasoning you would definitely in the zomplypse, pick something else. It can be a bat, tennis rack, garden sheers, or even a bottle of liquor.

2. Practice….smartly: Dont get arrested before the zomlypse. Hard enough to break out of prison with order, some how in my head w/ chaos it seems more dangerous. Dont build a rocket launcher and practice in your neighborhood, that is just stupid ( Buy Halo and just hope the skills transfer 😀 ) But if you select a crossbow, gun, bat..etc go to the gun range, target practice, or batting cages.

3. Safety Drill it up: Okay, I havent really done this one yet, but do as I say not as I do. You should get together with your proposed group (less bait) and practice simple manuevers. Like climbing a fire escape and jumping roofs (safety first!!)

4. Learn Morse Code: Because that would be epically cool

5. Research: Like previously advised, you do not know what the Zombies will be using to reference their behavior on. New material and concepts of Zombies are being created daily. Make sure you are the cutting edge of all thing Zombies and stock a supply bag with appropriate materials for each situation.

6. Learn how to sew: I’m not saying pattern making or anything, but buttons are important.

7. General First Aid: With the possibility of Zombies being just being animated dead bodies and not a disease or virus, you should avoid deaths that could easily be avoided like infection. I would rather go out getting eaten by Zombies…..

8. Green Thumb: Who knows how long this thing will go one, if you don’t have a green thumb locate someone who does and add them to the group. You might want to eat non-twinkies one day

9. Go Old School: With the Zomlypse some luxuries we hold so close today might not be available (like google) learn to adapt and learn thing not with just the push of a button

10. Relax: It’s not like it is the end of the world….yet 🙂